{"id":628,"date":"2025-02-26T00:11:53","date_gmt":"2025-02-26T00:11:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stelkur.is\/?page_id=628"},"modified":"2025-03-06T06:33:11","modified_gmt":"2025-03-06T06:33:11","slug":"um-thad-sem-er-hvorki-slett-ne-fellt-ne-klippt-ne-skorid","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/stelkur.is\/?page_id=628","title":{"rendered":"Um \u00fea\u00f0 sem er hvorki sl\u00e9tt og fellt n\u00e9 klippt og skori\u00f0"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Vilborg \u00d3lafsd\u00f3ttir<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Me\u00f0al \u00feess sem er horfi\u00f0 er r\u00f6ddin \u00fe\u00edn. Lofti\u00f0 sem barst upp barkann og l\u00e9k \u00e1 strengina \u00fe\u00edna. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g veit alveg hvar \u00fe\u00fa liggur, hvernig \u00fe\u00fa sn\u00fdr\u00f0. \u00c9g veit \u00ed hva\u00f0a f\u00f6tum \u00fe\u00fa ert enn\u00fe\u00e1 og hvernig kragi er \u00e1 kj\u00f3lnum \u00fe\u00ednum. \u00c9g veit hvernig hendurnar \u00fe\u00ednar snertast. \u00c9g veit hvernig h\u00e1ri\u00f0 \u00e1 \u00fe\u00e9r er, \u00fev\u00ed n\u00fa breytist ekkert framar. \u00c9g veit hvernig kistan leit \u00fat og bl\u00f3makransinn sem \u00e9g bar \u00fat \u00far kirkjunni en \u00e9g veit ekki lengur hvar \u00fe\u00fa ert og \u00e9g get aldrei fundi\u00f0 \u00feig aftur. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u00e9r finnst dau\u00f0inn hafa afhj\u00fapa\u00f0 \u00e1 mj\u00f6g \u00f3smekklegan h\u00e1tt allar \u00feverst\u00e6\u00f0ur og m\u00f3tsagnir l\u00edfsins. Eins og pilsinu hafi veri\u00f0 kippt af \u00fev\u00ed \u00ed einum rykk og \u00fea\u00f0 standi allsbert eftir me\u00f0 glansandi \u00e6\u00f0ahn\u00fata og skyrhv\u00edta appels\u00ednuh\u00fa\u00f0. Ki\u00f0f\u00e6tt og innskeift, \u00e1 skyrtunni a\u00f0 ofan, bert a\u00f0 ne\u00f0an, me\u00f0 rysj\u00f3tt skapah\u00e1r. Me\u00f0 skakka skotth\u00fafu og fj\u00f3lubl\u00e1ar kinnar, eins og sau\u00f0fj\u00e1rb\u00f3ndi \u00e1 \u00feorrabl\u00f3ti sem hefur gert eitthva\u00f0 \u00f6murlegt af s\u00e9r, eitthva\u00f0 \u00f3fyrirgefanlegt. M\u00e9r finnst l\u00edfi\u00f0, \u00feessi hl\u00e6gilega f\u00edg\u00fara, vera hryllilega lj\u00f3tt. M\u00e9r \u00feykir svo v\u00e6nt um \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 er s\u00e1rt og \u00e1 sama t\u00edma langar mig a\u00f0 mei\u00f0a \u00fea\u00f0. Mig langar a\u00f0 standa yfir \u00fev\u00ed, liggjandi \u00ed drullusva\u00f0i og sparka \u00feanga\u00f0 til \u00fea\u00f0 stendur ekki upp framar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g var ekki tilb\u00fain. M\u00e9r finnst \u00e9g hafa veri\u00f0 svikin og m\u00e9r finnst \u00fe\u00fa l\u00edka hafa veri\u00f0 svikin. \u00de\u00fa v\u00e6rir samm\u00e1la m\u00e9r. \u00de\u00fa myndir l\u00edka \u00f6skra yfir \u00f3r\u00e9ttl\u00e6tinu og sl\u00e1 \u00ed bor\u00f0i\u00f0. S\u00f6gur enda ekki \u00ed mi\u00f0junni, \u00feeim l\u00fdkur ekki \u00ed mi\u00f0ri b\u00f3k! L\u00edfi\u00f0 er a\u00f0 gera sig a\u00f0 f\u00edfli, finnst m\u00e9r. \u00c9g \u00f6skra \u00ed hlj\u00f3\u00f0i \u00fev\u00ed \u00e9g vil ekki vekja b\u00f6rnin m\u00edn. \u00c9g vil ekki hr\u00e6\u00f0a \u00feau. \u00c9g \u00fer\u00e1i a\u00f0 geta \u00f6skra\u00f0 dj\u00fapt, \u00far i\u00f0rum jar\u00f0ar, eins og \u00e9g ger\u00f0i kv\u00f6ldi\u00f0 sem \u00e9g f\u00e9kk fr\u00e9ttirnar af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa v\u00e6rir d\u00e1in, bara n\u00fdd\u00e1in. \u00c9g r\u00e9tt missti af \u00fe\u00e9r. \u00c9g var ekki tilb\u00fain og n\u00fana finnst m\u00e9r \u00e9g eiga inni eitt fa\u00f0mlag, eitt hl\u00e1turskast enn og svo kve\u00f0justund \u00fear sem \u00fe\u00fa opnar a\u00f0 minnsta kosti augun \u00feegar \u00e9g snerti \u00feig. T\u00edminn hefur ekki li\u00f0i\u00f0 s\u00ed\u00f0an \u00e9g kvaddi \u00feig s\u00ed\u00f0ast fyrir \u00f6rf\u00e1um vikum, stuttu fyrir dau\u00f0a \u00feinn, hann hefur teki\u00f0 heljarst\u00f6kk ofan \u00ed hyldj\u00fapa gj\u00e1.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g \u00f6skra\u00f0i \u00e1 lei\u00f0inni til vinkonu okkar, a\u00f0 bera \u00e1fram fr\u00e9ttirnar eins hratt og m\u00f6gulegt v\u00e6ri. \u00c9g \u00e6tla\u00f0i ekki a\u00f0 \u00f6skra, \u00e9g \u00e6tla\u00f0i ekki neitt, \u00f6skri\u00f0 kom bara \u00far undirdj\u00fapunum og nota\u00f0i mig sem hlj\u00f3\u00f0f\u00e6ri. Kannski var \u00feetta eins og \u00feegar jar\u00f0skj\u00e1lfti opnar sprungu \u00ed jar\u00f0skorpuna og kvikan br\u00fdst upp \u00e1 yfirbor\u00f0i\u00f0. L\u00edklega b\u00fdr \u00feetta \u00f6skur alltaf inni \u00ed m\u00e9r. Kannski er \u00fea\u00f0 alltaf \u00fearna, r\u00e9tt undir yfirbor\u00f0inu \u00e1 okkur \u00f6llum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g skil ekki samhengi\u00f0 \u00e1 milli dau\u00f0a \u00fe\u00edns og n\u00e1tt\u00farunnar. \u00c9g skil ekki af hverju dau\u00f0i \u00feinn er eins og grundvallarbreyting \u00e1 landslaginu. Fj\u00f6llin eru \u00e1 s\u00ednum sta\u00f0, j\u00f6klarnir eru \u00fear sem \u00feeir voru. \u00cd vetrarbyrjun snj\u00f3ar \u00ed fj\u00f6ll, svo \u00e1 j\u00f6r\u00f0u ni\u00f0ri. Tr\u00e9 fella lauf og brei\u00f0a svo \u00far n\u00fdjum, standa \u00fearna nokku\u00f0 st\u00f6\u00f0ug, vagga s\u00e9r \u00ed rokinu. Fir\u00f0ir eru \u00e1fram fir\u00f0ir, dalir eru dalir, \u00e1r eru \u00e1r, nes eru nes, eyjur eru eyjur og \u00fe\u00fa varst hluti af \u00feessu \u00f6llu saman fyrir svo stuttu. N\u00fa ertu \u00fea\u00f0 ekki lengur nema \u00ed allt \u00f6\u00f0ru samhengi. N\u00fana ertu n\u00e1tt\u00faran. Allt er eins og \u00fea\u00f0 var. Allt er gj\u00f6rbreytt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vikurnar fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed \u00fe\u00fa f\u00f3rst hafa or\u00f0i\u00f0 a\u00f0 m\u00e1nu\u00f0um. \u00c9g s\u00e9 ekki fegur\u00f0ina \u00ed sorginni. S\u00e1rsaukinn gerir mig \u00fereytta og grimma. \u00c9g s\u00e9 ekki fegur\u00f0ina \u00ed sorginni, ekki \u00ed dag. \u00c9g hvessi mig vi\u00f0 b\u00f6rnin m\u00edn og skipa manninum m\u00ednum fyrir, h\u00f6st, hr\u00e1 og anna\u00f0hvort galt\u00f3m e\u00f0a yfirfull. \u00dea\u00f0 er ekkert pl\u00e1ss fyrir anna\u00f0 en t\u00f3mi\u00f0. \u00c9g maurast um ofan \u00e1 mold og grj\u00f3ti \u00e1samt \u00f6\u00f0rum d\u00fdrum \u00e1n \u00feess a\u00f0 hafa neinn s\u00e9rstakan \u00e1huga \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed. \u00c9g s\u00e9 hvorki tilgang n\u00e9 tilgangsleysi. M\u00e9r finnst \u00feetta \u00f3smekklegt. \u00d3lystugt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fyrstu n\u00f3ttina eftir a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa d\u00f3st l\u00e1 ma\u00f0urinn minn me\u00f0 mig \u00ed fanginu, h\u00e9lt \u00fe\u00e9tt utan um mig b\u00e1\u00f0um \u00f6rmum. \u00c9g ba\u00f0 hann a\u00f0 segja m\u00e9r fr\u00e1 t\u00edmanum og alheiminum. \u00c9g fann brj\u00f3sti\u00f0 hans titra vi\u00f0 baki\u00f0 \u00e1 m\u00e9r vi\u00f0 dj\u00fapa r\u00f6ddina og hl\u00fdjan andardr\u00e1tt hans \u00ed h\u00e1rinu. Hann sag\u00f0i m\u00e9r a\u00f0 alheimurinn v\u00e6ri \u00fer\u00e1tt fyrir allan sinn t\u00edma enn\u00fe\u00e1 \u00e1 frumstigum bernskunnar. Hann l\u00edkti manneskjum vi\u00f0 \u00f6reindir sem stoppa svo stutt a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r brj\u00f3ta n\u00e1tt\u00farul\u00f6gm\u00e1li\u00f0 um a\u00f0 ekkert geti or\u00f0i\u00f0 til \u00far engu. Hann tala\u00f0i r\u00f3lega og h\u00e9lt \u00e1fram a\u00f0 tala \u00feanga\u00f0 til \u00e9g sofna\u00f0i.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00dea\u00f0 rigndi allt \u00feetta sumar. R\u00e9tt stytti upp me\u00f0an vi\u00f0 sungum yfir \u00fe\u00e9r \u00ed kirkju en rigningin var byrju\u00f0 aftur \u00feegar vi\u00f0 gengum \u00fat \u00far kirkjugar\u00f0inum, aftur \u00ed b\u00edlana okkar til a\u00f0 keyra \u00ed erfidrykkjuna. \u00de\u00e1 var ekkert m\u00e1l a\u00f0 hitta gamlar sameiginlegar vinkonur, spyrja fr\u00e9tta, brosa og hl\u00e6ja. Stuttu \u00e1\u00f0ur haf\u00f0i \u00e9g gr\u00e1ti\u00f0 \u00far m\u00e9r augun, l\u00e1tlaust, fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed \u00e9g settist ni\u00f0ur \u00ed kirkjunni \u00feanga\u00f0 til ath\u00f6fninni lauk. \u00c9g haf\u00f0i skili\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 fullkomlega a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa varst farin. Suma daga skil \u00e9g \u00fea\u00f0, a\u00f0ra daga alls ekki. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g tala aldrei vi\u00f0 \u00feig \u00ed huganum. Mig dreymir \u00feig ekki og \u00fe\u00fa birtist m\u00e9r ekki. M\u00e9r var \u00fe\u00e6g\u00f0 \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 hugsa a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa v\u00e6rir h\u00e6tt a\u00f0 vera til, algj\u00f6rlega. Lj\u00f3sin \u00fe\u00edn v\u00e6ru slokknu\u00f0 og a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa k\u00e6mir ekki aftur, hvorki \u00ed draumi n\u00e9 einhvers konar annarsheims vitjun. M\u00e9r fannst l\u00edka betra a\u00f0 hugsa sem svo a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa v\u00e6rir ekki til \u00ed einhverri annarri v\u00eddd. \u00c9g gat ekki hugsa\u00f0 m\u00e9r a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa \u00e6ttir \u00fe\u00e9r framhaldsl\u00edf, enda gruna\u00f0i mig a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa v\u00e6rir \u00fe\u00e1 brj\u00e1lu\u00f0 \u00fear yfir \u00feessum \u00f6rl\u00f6gum. Mig langa\u00f0i ekki a\u00f0 \u00edmynda m\u00e9r a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa hef\u00f0ir \u00f6\u00f0last \u00e6\u00f0ri skilning sem k\u00e6mi \u00ed veg fyrir a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa gr\u00e9tir e\u00f0a barma\u00f0ir \u00fe\u00e9r yfir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 vera n\u00fana d\u00e1in, burt fr\u00e1 \u00f6llu saman, \u00ed mi\u00f0ri s\u00fdningu, me\u00f0 fullt eftir, r\u00e9tt \u00f3komin heim. \u00c9g vildi ekki sj\u00e1 \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa hef\u00f0ir n\u00fa \u00f6\u00f0last einhvern innri fri\u00f0 sem var ekki \u00ed bo\u00f0i \u00ed jar\u00f0l\u00edfinu. \u00c9g gat enda ekki hugsa\u00f0 m\u00e9r meiri fri\u00f0 en a\u00f0 vera bara sl\u00f6kkt. Kertalogi blaktir vi\u00f0 minnsta andvara. N\u00fa er \u00e9g a\u00f0 hugsa um hvort \u00e9g muni endurmeta \u00feessa hugmynd m\u00edna. Hvort \u00e9g muni vilja s\u00e6ra \u00feig fram, kalla \u00e1 \u00feig, bi\u00f0ja til \u00fe\u00edn, tala vi\u00f0 \u00feig, bi\u00f0ja um a\u00f0 f\u00e1 a\u00f0 dreyma \u00feig. \u00dea\u00f0 getur vel veri\u00f0 a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 komi a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed. En n\u00fana ertu bara li\u00f0in. Hvergi. H\u00e6tt. B\u00fain. Varst en ert ekki lengur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fyrst hugsa\u00f0i \u00e9g um allt sem \u00e9g \u00e1 sem \u00fe\u00fa haf\u00f0ir \u00e1 einhvern h\u00e1tt snert e\u00f0a veri\u00f0 me\u00f0 \u00ed. Myndir sem \u00fe\u00fa gafst m\u00e9r \u00e1 veggjunum, f\u00f6tin sem \u00e9g keypti og \u00fe\u00fa varst me\u00f0 \u00ed b\u00fa\u00f0inni, sokkarnir sem \u00fe\u00fa prj\u00f3na\u00f0ir handa m\u00e9r, s\u00f3lgleraugun sem \u00e9g var me\u00f0 \u00feegar \u00e9g heims\u00f3tti \u00feig s\u00ed\u00f0ast. N\u00fana hugsa \u00e9g um allt sem er a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a til sem \u00fe\u00fa munt aldrei sj\u00e1 e\u00f0a upplifa. N\u00fd tegund af nammi, n\u00fd str\u00ed\u00f0 og byltingar, sonur minn. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g spila \u00ed huganum vissa hluti aftur og aftur sem tengjast \u00fe\u00e9r. \u00cd hvert sinn sem \u00e9g m\u00e1la \u00e1 m\u00e9r augun man \u00e9g eftir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00f6nnur vinkona hr\u00f3sa\u00f0i m\u00e9r fyrir hvernig \u00e9g ger\u00f0i \u00fea\u00f0, \u00fe\u00e1 vorum vi\u00f0 heima hj\u00e1 \u00fe\u00e9r. \u00cd hvert sinn sem \u00e9g ber \u00e1 mig visst krem segir \u00fe\u00fa m\u00e9r fr\u00e1 einhverri snyrtiv\u00f6ru sem foreldrar fyrrverandi k\u00e6rastans \u00fe\u00edns g\u00e1fu \u00fe\u00e9r \u00ed j\u00f3lagj\u00f6f. Alltaf sama \u00f3merkilega sagan. Og n\u00e6stum \u00e1 hverjum degi allt \u00feetta fyrsta \u00e1r eftir dau\u00f0a \u00feinn, oft upp \u00far \u00feurru, segir sameiginleg vinkona okkar m\u00e9r a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa s\u00e9rt d\u00e1in. H\u00fan nefnir nafni\u00f0 \u00feitt og segir m\u00e9r svo aftur a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa s\u00e9rt d\u00e1in.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g skil \u00fea\u00f0 ekki enn\u00fe\u00e1. \u00c9g veit a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 er \u00feannig. \u00c9g skil \u00fea\u00f0 ekki enn\u00fe\u00e1. \u00c9g skil ekki hvernig \u00fea\u00f0 gat veri\u00f0 ein andr\u00e1 og allt var eins og \u00fea\u00f0 var og hvernig \u00fea\u00f0 gat veri\u00f0 \u00f6nnur andr\u00e1 og \u00fe\u00e1 var allt breytt. \u00c9g veit a\u00f0 \u00feetta er hi\u00f0 hversdagslegasta og e\u00f0lilegasta vi\u00f0 tilvist okkar, vi\u00f0 f\u00e6\u00f0umst, h\u00fan hefst, vi\u00f0 deyjum, henni l\u00fdkur. En \u00e9g skil \u00fea\u00f0 ekki enn\u00fe\u00e1. Hvert f\u00f3rstu?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g geri tilraun til a\u00f0 l\u00fdsa \u00feessari grundvallarbreytingu sem hefur or\u00f0i\u00f0 \u00e1 \u00f6llu, me\u00f0 l\u00edkingu. \u00c9g l\u00edki \u00fe\u00e9r vi\u00f0 fjall og dau\u00f0a \u00fe\u00ednum vi\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 vakna upp einn daginn vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 fjall s\u00e9 horfi\u00f0 \u00far landslaginu og a\u00f0 n\u00fa \u00feurfi ma\u00f0ur a\u00f0 \u00e1tta sig \u00e1 fer\u00f0um s\u00ednum yfir landi\u00f0 \u00e1 n\u00fdjan leik. \u00c1 a\u00f0 byggja br\u00fa yfir gj\u00e1nna sem mynda\u00f0ist? \u00c1 a\u00f0 taka kr\u00f3k framhj\u00e1 henni? Sm\u00e1m saman fara a\u00f0 vaxa \u00ed henni tr\u00e9 og gras. Sm\u00e1m saman ver\u00f0ur h\u00fan hluti af n\u00e1tt\u00farunni. Sm\u00e1m saman ver\u00f0ur h\u00fan falleg og sm\u00e1m saman hefur ma\u00f0ur vanist henni \u00e1 sinni dags daglegu lei\u00f0. \u00c9g reyni a\u00f0 segja fr\u00e1 \u00feessu,\u00a0a\u00f0 \u00e9g upplifi f\u00e6\u00f0ingu barns \u00e1 sama h\u00e1tt. A\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 eins og a\u00f0 vakna einn daginn vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 fjall hafi sprotti\u00f0 upp \u00ed bakgar\u00f0inum hj\u00e1 manni. \u00de\u00e1 \u00fearf a\u00f0 \u00e1kve\u00f0a hvort \u00fea\u00f0 eigi a\u00f0 bora g\u00f6ng, hvort \u00fea\u00f0 eigi a\u00f0 ganga yfir fjalli\u00f0, leggja veg e\u00f0a fara \u00ed kringum \u00fea\u00f0. Sm\u00e1m saman ver\u00f0ur \u00fea\u00f0 hluti af fer\u00f0alaginu. N\u00fa er \u00e9g me\u00f0 n\u00fdja gj\u00e1, sem er enn eins og g\u00edgur, og gl\u00e6n\u00fdtt fjall. \u00c9g \u00e1 fullt \u00ed fangi me\u00f0 a\u00f0 finna \u00fat \u00far fer\u00f0um m\u00ednum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g upplifi sorgina eftir \u00fe\u00e9r sem hreina og ekki fl\u00f3kna. Samband okkar var ekki fl\u00f3ki\u00f0. \u00c9g fagna\u00f0i \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 eiga \u00feig a\u00f0, \u00fe\u00fa fagna\u00f0ir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 eiga mig a\u00f0. Vi\u00f0 hittumst eins oft og vi\u00f0 g\u00e1tum. M\u00e9r \u00fe\u00f3tti innilega v\u00e6nt um \u00feig og \u00fe\u00e9r \u00fe\u00f3tti innilega v\u00e6nt um mig. \u00c9g \u00fearf ekki a\u00f0 gera neitt upp, \u00e9g \u00fearf bara a\u00f0 gr\u00e1ta mj\u00f6g miki\u00f0. Fyrstu j\u00f3lin eftir a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa d\u00f3st f\u00e6ddi \u00e9g barn. Son minn sem \u00fe\u00fa munt aldrei sj\u00e1 og aldrei kynnast. Eldri sonur minn man enn eftir \u00fe\u00e9r. \u00c9g tala oft um \u00feig, hann veit a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa ert d\u00e1in og a\u00f0 \u00e9g sakna \u00fe\u00edn. S\u00e1 litli ver\u00f0ur eins \u00e1rs eftir nokkra daga og \u00feessi j\u00f3l finn \u00e9g meira fyrir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa ert ekki h\u00e9r. \u00d6ll j\u00f3l fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 vorum stelpur h\u00f6fum vi\u00f0 hist, gla\u00f0st yfir a\u00f0 \u00feekkjast, \u00feakka\u00f0 hvor annarri fyrir \u00e1ri\u00f0 sem var a\u00f0 l\u00ed\u00f0a, \u00f3ska\u00f0 hvor annarri alls hins besta \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed n\u00fdja. \u00deetta \u00e1r sem er a\u00f0 kl\u00e1rast er fyrsta \u00e1ri\u00f0 sem vi\u00f0 eignu\u00f0umst engar n\u00fdjar minningar saman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g hafna \u00feessari sta\u00f0reynd. \u00deetta er reyndar ekki sta\u00f0reynd, \u00feetta er reikningsd\u00e6mi sem gengur ekki upp. Sj\u00e1lfur veruleikinn er veruleikafirrtur. \u00dea\u00f0 er ekki satt a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa andir ekki lengur. \u00de\u00fa ert \u00ed \u00f6\u00f0ru landi. \u00dea\u00f0 er rugl a\u00f0 bl\u00f3\u00f0i\u00f0 \u00ed \u00fe\u00e9r renni ekki lengur, \u00fea\u00f0 er fullkomlega fjarst\u00e6\u00f0ukennt. \u00de\u00fa ert \u00ed alv\u00f6runni \u00ed \u00f6\u00f0ru landi. \u00c9g mundi hl\u00e6ja a\u00f0 \u00feessu ef \u00feetta v\u00e6ri ekki svona pirrandi. \u00deetta rugl, \u00feessi vitleysa. Til fjandans me\u00f0 \u00feetta bull.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u00e6\u00f0ur okkar sendu okkur \u00ed sunnudagask\u00f3la og fundi hj\u00e1 Kristilegu f\u00e9lagi ungra kvenna. Vi\u00f0 f\u00f3rum \u00feanga\u00f0 saman og fengum stimpil \u00ed kort. M\u00e9r fannst \u00fea\u00f0 gaman og \u00e9g veit a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e9r fannst \u00fea\u00f0 gaman l\u00edka. Vi\u00f0 gengum saman \u00e1 fundarsta\u00f0inn og fengum stundum bland \u00ed poka \u00e1 lei\u00f0inni heim hj\u00e1 konunni sem taldi hvern einasta mola ofan \u00ed pokann og sag\u00f0i alltaf: \u201eR\u00e9tt skal vera r\u00e9tt\u201c. Umsj\u00f3narma\u00f0ur \u00ed f\u00e9laginu spur\u00f0i okkur hvort vi\u00f0 v\u00e6rum systur! Okkur fannst \u00fea\u00f0 f\u00e1r\u00e1nlegt, vi\u00f0 svona \u00f3l\u00edkar. Nei! s\u00f6g\u00f0um vi\u00f0 einum r\u00f3mi. \u00de\u00e1 spur\u00f0i hann hvort vi\u00f0 v\u00e6rum tv\u00edburar! Okkur fannst \u00fea\u00f0 \u00f3tr\u00falega vitlaust! Au\u00f0vita\u00f0 ekki!!! \u00de\u00f3tt fe\u00f0ur okkar h\u00e9tu sama nafni og vi\u00f0 v\u00e6rum alltaf saman. Vi\u00f0 vorum ekki tv\u00edburar en \u00fe\u00fa varst samt systir m\u00edn \u00ed anda. \u00de\u00fa fannst alltaf upp \u00e1 einhverju sni\u00f0ugu. Spilastundir, fer\u00f0al\u00f6g, sumarb\u00fa\u00f0ir, g\u00f6ngut\u00farar. \u00de\u00fa skipulag\u00f0ir og bau\u00f0st m\u00e9r me\u00f0. Og ef l\u00edf mitt var au\u00f0ugra me\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e9r, \u00fe\u00e1 er \u00fea\u00f0 f\u00e1t\u00e6kara \u00e1n \u00fe\u00edn. Svona eru sta\u00f0reyndirnar. \u00deetta er reikningsd\u00e6mi sem gengur fullkomlega upp. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u00fa er li\u00f0i\u00f0 n\u00e6rri eitt og h\u00e1lft \u00e1r fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa d\u00f3st og \u00ed n\u00f3tt dreymdi mig \u00feig \u00ed fyrsta sinn. \u00de\u00fa varst a\u00f0 fer\u00f0ast um \u00f3kunnug l\u00f6nd sem litu \u00fe\u00f3 a\u00f0 m\u00f6rgu leyti \u00fat eins og \u00cdsland, samt fegurri \u00e1 einhvern h\u00e1tt. \u00de\u00fa sag\u00f0ist aldrei \u00e6tla a\u00f0 koma aftur til \u00cdslands en \u00e9g tr\u00fa\u00f0i \u00fe\u00e9r \u00feegar \u00fe\u00fa sag\u00f0ist hafa fundi\u00f0 eitthva\u00f0 anna\u00f0 svo miklu, miklu betra. \u00c9g skildi a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 var satt. \u00c9g var p\u00ednu feimin vi\u00f0 \u00feig. \u00de\u00fa leist svo vel \u00fat, eins og \u00fe\u00fa ger\u00f0ir reyndar alltaf \u00e1 me\u00f0an \u00fe\u00fa lif\u00f0ir, en \u00fe\u00fa varst l\u00edka or\u00f0in svo veraldarv\u00f6n. Svo \u00ferosku\u00f0, og \u00e1 einhvern g\u00f3\u00f0an og yfirvega\u00f0an h\u00e1tt langt yfir mig hafin. M\u00e9r lei\u00f0 eins og \u00fe\u00fa hef\u00f0ir teki\u00f0 fram \u00far m\u00e9r, h\u00f6ndla\u00f0 eitthva\u00f0 sem \u00e9g g\u00e6ti ekki enn\u00fe\u00e1 skili\u00f0 \u2013 ef m\u00e9r au\u00f0na\u00f0ist \u00fea\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e1 nokkurn t\u00edmann. \u00de\u00fa varst falleg sem fyrr og mikil r\u00f3 yfir \u00fe\u00e9r og viskan streymdi fr\u00e1 \u00fe\u00e9r. \u00dea\u00f0 var svo gott a\u00f0 sj\u00e1 \u00feig aftur. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eftir a\u00f0 mig dreymdi \u00feig finnst m\u00e9r vi\u00f0 stundum vera \u00ed sambandi. Stundum \u00e1varpa \u00e9g \u00feig \u00ed einr\u00fami. \u00c9g kalla \u00feig stundum til \u00feegar miki\u00f0 liggur vi\u00f0, \u00feegar \u00e9g \u00f3ska einhvers heitt e\u00f0a \u00feegar mig vantar g\u00f3\u00f0 r\u00e1\u00f0. \u00c9g vil hafa \u00feig me\u00f0, lifandi \u00ed l\u00edfi m\u00ednu, \u00e9g held a\u00f0 \u00e9g r\u00e1\u00f0i \u00fev\u00ed hvort \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 \u00feannig e\u00f0a ekki. \u00c9g er h\u00e6tt a\u00f0 tr\u00faa \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa s\u00e9rt ekki lengur inni \u00ed myndinni. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g kemst ekki hj\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 finnast ver\u00f6ldin vera verri en h\u00fan var. Hvernig sem \u00e9g hugsa \u00fea\u00f0 kemst \u00e9g ekki undan \u00fev\u00ed. \u00dea\u00f0 er sta\u00f0reynd. Ver\u00f6ldin var eins og h\u00fan var, \u00fe\u00fa varst \u00ed henni, \u00e9g vissi hvar \u00fe\u00fa varst, vi\u00f0 g\u00e1tum tala\u00f0 saman. N\u00fa ertu ekki lengur til og \u00fear af lei\u00f0ir a\u00f0 ver\u00f6ldin er verri en h\u00fan var. Enginn \u00ed ver\u00f6ldinni f\u00e6r lengur a\u00f0 heyra \u00feig hl\u00e6ja. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00deegar vi\u00f0 vorum enn\u00fe\u00e1 bara b\u00f6rn vakna\u00f0i \u00e9g einu sinni vi\u00f0 \u00feig gr\u00e1tandi. \u00de\u00fa haf\u00f0ir n\u00fdlega misst manneskju sem var \u00fe\u00e9r mj\u00f6g n\u00e1komin. \u00deessa n\u00f3tt sakna\u00f0ir\u00f0u hennar s\u00e1rlega og \u00e9g reyndi a\u00f0 hugga \u00feig. N\u00fana, n\u00fana fyrst, get \u00e9g skili\u00f0 brotabrot af \u00fev\u00ed sem b\u00e6r\u00f0ist innra me\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e9r \u00fe\u00e1 n\u00f3tt. Af hverju \u00feurfti dau\u00f0a \u00feinn til a\u00f0 d\u00fdpka skilning minn? \u00c9g veit hva\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 er a\u00f0 syrgja. N\u00fa hef \u00e9g l\u00edka misst. \u00c9g skil s\u00f6knu\u00f0inn. \u00dea\u00f0 sama ger\u00f0ist \u00feegar \u00e9g eigna\u00f0ist barn \u00ed fyrsta sinn, \u00fe\u00e1 skildi \u00e9g hva\u00f0 vinkonur m\u00ednar h\u00f6f\u00f0u gengi\u00f0 \u00ed gegnum, \u00fe\u00fa \u00fear \u00e1 me\u00f0al. \u00de\u00e1 skildi \u00e9g loksins \u00ed raun og veru hva\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r h\u00f6f\u00f0u gengi\u00f0 \u00ed gegnum og \u00fe\u00e1 skildi \u00e9g l\u00edka hva\u00f0 \u00e9g haf\u00f0i skili\u00f0 l\u00edti\u00f0 \u00e1\u00f0ur. M\u00e9r finnst svo \u00f3sanngjarnt a\u00f0 einmitt \u00fe\u00fa \u00feyrftir a\u00f0 deyja til a\u00f0 \u00e9g skildi hva\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 er a\u00f0 missa. \u00c9g hef\u00f0i svo gjarnan vilja\u00f0 deila \u00feessum skilningi me\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e9r, vitra vinkona. Hva\u00f0 sorgin getur veri\u00f0 dj\u00fap og marglit og marglaga. \u00c9g hef\u00f0i vilja\u00f0 skilja \u00fea\u00f0 me\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e9r. \u00c9g hef\u00f0i vilja\u00f0 skilja \u00feig betur. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g hl\u00e6 lengur n\u00fana. Ef \u00e9g \u00fearf a\u00f0 hl\u00e6ja, hl\u00e6 \u00e9g \u00feanga\u00f0 til \u00e9g lyppast ni\u00f0ur og get varla meir, finn til \u00ed magav\u00f6\u00f0vunum og n\u00e6 varla andanum. \u00c9g geri \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta hl\u00e1turinn endast, rifja upp \u00fea\u00f0 sem var fyndi\u00f0, bi\u00f0 manninn minn um a\u00f0 leika mig aftur. \u00dea\u00f0 minnir mig \u00e1 \u00feig. \u00de\u00fa hl\u00f3st alltaf \u00feannig, \u00ed hvert einasta sinn. \u00deegar \u00e9g s\u00e9 \u00feig fyrir m\u00e9r, s\u00e9 \u00e9g \u00feig sty\u00f0ja \u00feig vi\u00f0 m\u00f6mmu \u00fe\u00edna til a\u00f0 \u00fei\u00f0 detti\u00f0 ekki \u00ed g\u00f3lfi\u00f0 af \u00f3st\u00f6\u00f0vandi hl\u00e1tri. Vi\u00f0 anna\u00f0 dau\u00f0sfall \u00ed fj\u00f6lskyldunni \u00feinni fylltist heimili \u00feitt af f\u00f3lki. Vi\u00f0 vinkonur \u00fe\u00ednar komum til \u00fe\u00edn, s\u00e1tum hj\u00e1 \u00fe\u00e9r, skildum ekkert en fundum til me\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e9r. Einn fr\u00e6ndinn \u00f3ska\u00f0i \u00fe\u00e9r \u00f3vart til hamingju \u00ed sta\u00f0 \u00feess a\u00f0 votta \u00fe\u00e9r sam\u00fa\u00f0 s\u00edna. Vi\u00f0 hl\u00f3gum a\u00f0 \u00feessu. \u00de\u00fa hl\u00f3st alltaf svo innilega og \u00fea\u00f0 geri \u00e9g l\u00edka n\u00fana. N\u00fana velti \u00e9g \u00fev\u00ed fyrir m\u00e9r hvort \u00fe\u00fa hafir alltaf hlegi\u00f0 svona af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa vissir svo vel hva\u00f0 l\u00edfi\u00f0 er vi\u00f0kv\u00e6mt. Enginn vissi \u00fea\u00f0 betur en \u00fe\u00fa. \u00de\u00fa vissir \u00feetta l\u00f6ngu \u00e1 undan m\u00e9r, n\u00e6stum allt \u00feitt l\u00edf skildir \u00fe\u00fa \u00feetta sem \u00e9g hef fyrst n\u00fana fengi\u00f0 a\u00f0 upplifa. Allt tekur enda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u00e9r finnst svo vond tilhugsun a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed lengur sem \u00e9g lifi \u00feeim mun fleiri munu deyja. \u00c9g veit ekki hver \u00fea\u00f0 ver\u00f0ur n\u00e6st. Bara a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 ver\u00f0ur einhver, kannski \u00e9g sj\u00e1lf \u00e1 undan hinum. \u00c9g gr\u00edp andann \u00e1 lofti yfir k\u00e6ruleysinu \u00ed m\u00e9r, a\u00f0 b\u00faa til l\u00edf. \u00c9g bj\u00f3 til l\u00edf, \u00e9g veit a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 mun enda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u00fa velti \u00e9g \u00fev\u00ed stundum fyrir m\u00e9r hvort sonur minn s\u00e9 ofinn \u00far sorginni. Hvort einn strengur \u00ed hans l\u00edfsvef s\u00e9 sorgin og s\u00f6knu\u00f0urinn eftir \u00fe\u00e9r. \u00c9g minnist \u00feess hvernig b\u00fasta\u00f0urinn hans innra me\u00f0 m\u00e9r dr\u00f3st saman dagana eftir a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa d\u00f3st. \u00c9g kann engar sk\u00fdringar \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed. Kannski eru \u00feetta e\u00f0lileg streituvi\u00f0br\u00f6g\u00f0 vi\u00f0 \u00e1falli. Kannski var \u00fea\u00f0 vegna pl\u00e1ssleysis, vegna t\u00f3mar\u00famsins sem fyllti mig. En \u00e9g hugsa stundum um hann og sorgina \u00ed s\u00f6mu andr\u00e1. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g er einmana og \u00fereytt \u00e1 \u00feessu \u00e1standi. \u00deessu hvarfi. \u00dea\u00f0 eru fleiri sem sakna \u00fe\u00edn. Fleiri sem sakna \u00fe\u00edn s\u00e1rt. Fleiri en \u00e9g sem m\u00e1ttu ekki missa \u00feig en misstu \u00feig samt. Vi\u00f0 h\u00f6fum or\u00f0 \u00e1 s\u00f6knu\u00f0inum, missinum og sorginni. Segjum fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 s\u00f6knum \u00fe\u00edn en \u00e9g er ekki viss um a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9u til or\u00f0 yfir \u00feetta \u00e1stand. \u00dea\u00f0 er eitt a\u00f0 skrifa um sorgina, anna\u00f0 a\u00f0 tala um hana, h\u00fan er ekki umr\u00e6\u00f0uefni. \u00dea\u00f0 er ekkert h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 segja sem skilst. Samr\u00e6\u00f0ur um dau\u00f0ann eru um bl\u00e1inn og ekkert og engin or\u00f0 n\u00e1 utan um \u00e1standi\u00f0. \u00deetta er einmanaleg fer\u00f0 \u00fe\u00f3tt vi\u00f0 s\u00e9um \u00f6ll \u00e1 sama fer\u00f0alagi. \u00c1fram me\u00f0 l\u00edfi\u00f0 \u00e1n \u00fe\u00edn. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c1fram og \u00e1fram og \u00e1fram. M\u00e1nu\u00f0ir, dagar, \u00e1r, klukkustundir, f\u00e6\u00f0ingar, fer\u00f0al\u00f6g, fr\u00ed og fr\u00e9ttir. M\u00e9r finnst \u00e9g vera st\u00f6dd \u00ed lest sem brunar \u00e1fram og m\u00e9r finnst vi\u00f0 hafa \u00feurft a\u00f0 skilja vi\u00f0 \u00feig \u00e1 brautarpalli sem vi\u00f0 sn\u00faum aldrei aftur til. Ekki langa\u00f0i mig a\u00f0 halda \u00e1fram \u00e1 fer\u00f0alagi \u00fear sem \u00fe\u00fa varst ekki me\u00f0, \u00e9g s\u00e1 \u00fea\u00f0 aldrei fyrir, en \u00e9g hef ekkert val, \u00feeytist \u00e1fram \u00fe\u00f3tt allt innra me\u00f0 m\u00e9r vilji nau\u00f0hemla. \u00c9g s\u00e1 fyrir m\u00e9r framt\u00ed\u00f0, \u00e9g t\u00f3k henni sem gefinni, \u00fear sem \u00fe\u00fa varst hluti af heiminum og einhvern t\u00edmann myndum vi\u00f0 gera eitt og anna\u00f0 og hitt og \u00feetta. N\u00fa er eins og einhver hafi ritsko\u00f0a\u00f0 framt\u00ed\u00f0ars\u00fdnina, rifi\u00f0 margar bla\u00f0s\u00ed\u00f0ur \u00far og krota\u00f0 yfir me\u00f0 st\u00f3rum sv\u00f6rtum t\u00fasslit sem lekur \u00ed gegnum bla\u00f0s\u00ed\u00f0urnar og gerir gat \u00e1 \u00fe\u00e6r. Handriti\u00f0 er \u00f3n\u00fdtt og \u00e9g hef mig ekki \u00ed a\u00f0 skrifa n\u00fdtt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hvernig gastu or\u00f0i\u00f0 og hvernig gastu horfi\u00f0? Hvernig gastu or\u00f0i\u00f0 vinkona m\u00edn? \u00c9g sem var svo lei\u00f0inleg vi\u00f0 \u00feig \u00fearna fyrst. \u00de\u00fa varst svo \u00f3venjulega g\u00e1fu\u00f0 og g\u00f3\u00f0hj\u00f6rtu\u00f0. M\u00e9r \u00fe\u00f3tti svo innilega v\u00e6nt um \u00feig. \u00de\u00fa hl\u00f3st alltaf bara a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed, \u00ed m\u00f6rg \u00e1r, a\u00f0 \u00e9g skyldi fyrst hafa hafna\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e9r me\u00f0 or\u00f0unum: \u201eMamma sag\u00f0i a\u00f0 \u00e9g m\u00e6tti ekki leika vi\u00f0 b\u00f6rn me\u00f0 svona gular tennur.\u201c \u00de\u00fa reyndir a\u00f0 f\u00e1 mig til a\u00f0 hl\u00e6ja me\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e9r og \u00e9g hl\u00f3 l\u00edka, hristi hausinn yfir vitleysunni og skamma\u00f0ist m\u00edn. \u00de\u00fa varst ekkert me\u00f0 gular tennur. Stundum sit \u00e9g heima hj\u00e1 \u00fe\u00e9r \u00ed huganum. Vi\u00f0 eldh\u00fasbor\u00f0i\u00f0. Vi\u00f0 bor\u00f0um rista\u00f0 brau\u00f0 me\u00f0 smj\u00f6ri og osti og drekkum Melroses te. \u00dati er snj\u00f3r og frost, \u00fea\u00f0 er alltaf fallegt \u00fati og bjart \u00ed eldh\u00fasinu. Vi\u00f0 erum rj\u00f3\u00f0ar og kaldar \u00ed kinnunum, b\u00fanar a\u00f0 vera \u00fati a\u00f0 leika okkur. Minningin yljar m\u00e9r, huggar mig \u00fear sem \u00e9g sit n\u00fana, ein \u00ed eldh\u00fasinu heima hj\u00e1 m\u00e9r og sakna \u00fe\u00edn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Einhver sag\u00f0i m\u00e9r fyrir l\u00f6ngu a\u00f0 sorgarferli v\u00e6ri tveggja \u00e1ra fer\u00f0alag, \u00feanga\u00f0 til allt yr\u00f0i b\u00e6rilegt \u00e1 n\u00fd. \u00c9g \u00e1 enn eftir a\u00f0 sannreyna \u00fea\u00f0, stundum er allt b\u00e6rilegt n\u00fa \u00feegar og svo grunar mig a\u00f0 sorgin muni fylgja m\u00e9r \u00e6vina \u00e1 enda. Engu a\u00f0 s\u00ed\u00f0ur veit \u00e9g hvar \u00e9g er st\u00f6dd. \u00c9g er r\u00famlega h\u00e1lfnu\u00f0 me\u00f0 \u00e1rin tv\u00f6. Sorgin stingur mig stundum fyrirvaralaust \u00ed hjarta\u00f0. Stundum er h\u00fan eins og teppi yfir s\u00f3linni. Stundum finn \u00e9g ekkert fyrir henni. Stundum finnst m\u00e9r h\u00fan hafa gefi\u00f0 m\u00e9r eitthva\u00f0 st\u00f3rkostlegt, n\u00fdja s\u00fdn, meira \u00e6\u00f0ruleysi, meira l\u00edf. \u00c9g hj\u00f3la oft \u00ed vinnuna. \u00dea\u00f0 er erfi\u00f0ast a\u00f0 hj\u00f3la upp langa brekku en h\u00fan er \u00fea\u00f0 besta vi\u00f0 fer\u00f0ina samt, h\u00fan gefur m\u00e9r mest til baka. \u00c9g hugsa stundum a\u00f0 \u00feannig s\u00e9 \u00fea\u00f0 l\u00edka me\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 sem er erfi\u00f0ast, a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 gefi manni mest. \u00c9g hef\u00f0i samt ekki vilja\u00f0 missa \u00feig fyrir neitt af \u00feessu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00deegar vi\u00f0 vorum enn\u00fe\u00e1 litlar stelpur lei\u00f0 yfir \u00feig og \u00fe\u00fa f\u00f3rst \u00e1 sp\u00edtala. \u00deetta var um kv\u00f6ld. \u00c9g l\u00e1 uppi \u00e1 sk\u00far \u00ed snj\u00f3komunni. L\u00e1 og leyf\u00f0i snj\u00f3kornum a\u00f0 falla framan \u00ed mig \u00far bleiku myrkrinu og br\u00e1\u00f0na \u00e1 heitu andlitinu \u00feegar \u00e9g heyr\u00f0i \u00ed sj\u00fakrab\u00edl. Eftir \u00e1 finnst m\u00e9r eins og \u00e9g hafi vita\u00f0 a\u00f0 sj\u00fakrab\u00edllinn \u00e1tti erindi vi\u00f0 \u00feig. M\u00e9r finnst eins og a\u00f0 \u00e9g hafi vita\u00f0 a\u00f0 s\u00edrenurnar sem hreyf\u00f0u vi\u00f0 andr\u00famsloftinu og bylgju\u00f0u kyrr\u00f0ina \u00ed kringum mig hafi hlj\u00f3ma\u00f0 vegna \u00fe\u00edn. Eins og \u00feegar \u00fe\u00fa varst \u00feegar d\u00e1in og vinkona okkar vildi f\u00e1 a\u00f0 koma til m\u00edn seint um kv\u00f6ld. \u00c9g vissi a\u00f0 eitthva\u00f0 haf\u00f0i komi\u00f0 fyrir \u00feig, \u00e9g f\u00f3r meira a\u00f0 segja fram \u00far herberginu \u00fear sem \u00e9g l\u00e1 hj\u00e1 sofnandi syni okkar og sag\u00f0i manninum m\u00ednum a\u00f0 \u00e9g h\u00e9ldi a\u00f0 eitthva\u00f0 hef\u00f0i komi\u00f0 fyrir \u00feig. Samt r\u00edgh\u00e9lt \u00e9g \u00e1 sama t\u00edma \u00ed \u00fe\u00e1 hugsun a\u00f0 eitthva\u00f0, bara eitthva\u00f0 allt anna\u00f0, v\u00e6ri erindi\u00f0. Jafnvel \u00fe\u00f3tt \u00e9g hafi s\u00e9\u00f0 a\u00f0 \u00feau hafi veri\u00f0 a\u00f0 gr\u00e1ta \u00feegar \u00feau gengu h\u00e6gt upp stigann til m\u00edn. \u00c9g bau\u00f0 \u00feeim vatn a\u00f0 drekka og spur\u00f0i v\u00edsvitandi ekki hvort eitthva\u00f0 hef\u00f0i gerst. \u00c9g bei\u00f0 me\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 \u00ed lengstu, lengstu l\u00f6g a\u00f0 f\u00e1 fr\u00e9ttirnar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kannski seinka\u00f0i sorgarferlinu hj\u00e1 m\u00e9r vi\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 eignast yngri son minn. M\u00e9r finnst \u00e9g allavega aldrei hafa sakna\u00f0 \u00fe\u00edn eins miki\u00f0 og n\u00fana. \u00c9g er alltaf a\u00f0 hugsa um \u00feig. \u00dea\u00f0 er svo oft sem \u00e9g heyri l\u00f6g \u00ed \u00fatvarpinu sem minna mig \u00e1 \u00feig. Allur n\u00edundi \u00e1ratugurinn \u00ed t\u00f3nlist minnir mig \u00e1 \u00feig. \u00c1 \u00feig \u00ed unglingaherberginu \u00fe\u00ednu, a\u00f0 teikna. Drauma okkar um framt\u00ed\u00f0ina. Hvernig allt yr\u00f0i \u00feegar vi\u00f0 yr\u00f0um eldri, yr\u00f0um fullor\u00f0nar. N\u00fa er vinkona okkar, sem var alltaf \u00e1ri yngri en vi\u00f0, or\u00f0in \u00e1ri eldri en \u00fe\u00fa. Fyrst eftir a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa d\u00f3st fannst m\u00e9r eins og saga \u00fe\u00edn hef\u00f0i veri\u00f0 stytt, \u00fe\u00fa hef\u00f0ir veri\u00f0 svikin um allt sem var eftir, en n\u00fana l\u00edt \u00e9g \u00f6\u00f0rum augum \u00e1 m\u00e1li\u00f0. N\u00fana finnst m\u00e9r a\u00f0 \u00e1 hverri stundu l\u00edfsins s\u00e9um vi\u00f0 fullskapa\u00f0ar, tilb\u00fanar til a\u00f0 deyja. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9g l\u00edt unglingsst\u00falkur \u00f6\u00f0rum augum n\u00fana, \u00e9g s\u00e9 a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r eru fullm\u00f3ta\u00f0ar, ekki \u00e1 lei\u00f0inni a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a eitthva\u00f0 anna\u00f0. \u00cd minni m\u00ednu s\u00e9 \u00e9g okkur, fullkomnar unglingsst\u00falkur, a\u00f0 dreyma um framt\u00ed\u00f0ina, allt sem bi\u00f0i, hva\u00f0 vi\u00f0 hl\u00f6kku\u00f0um til a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a fullor\u00f0nar. N\u00fa s\u00e9 \u00e9g a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 ver\u00f0um aldrei fullor\u00f0nar, vi\u00f0 vorum tilb\u00fanar \u00fe\u00e1, \u00fe\u00fa varst fullm\u00f3tu\u00f0 \u00feegar \u00fe\u00fa d\u00f3st og \u00e9g er tilb\u00fain \u00e1 \u00feessari stundu. Vi\u00f0 vorum alltaf fullskapa\u00f0ar, \u00e1 \u00f6llum skei\u00f0um, tilb\u00fanar a\u00f0 taka n\u00e6sta skref og n\u00fa h\u00f6fum vi\u00f0 b\u00e1\u00f0ar gert \u00fea\u00f0. \u00c9g \u00e1 sama svi\u00f0i, \u00fe\u00fa \u00e1 \u00f6\u00f0ru.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00cd dag eru akk\u00farat tv\u00f6 \u00e1r s\u00ed\u00f0an \u00fe\u00fa d\u00f3st. \u00d6rl\u00edti\u00f0 lengra s\u00ed\u00f0an vi\u00f0 kv\u00f6ddumst \u00ed s\u00ed\u00f0asta sinn, sennilega me\u00f0 \u00f3skum um a\u00f0 sj\u00e1st aftur flj\u00f3tlega. Dagurinn byrjar, n\u00fa eins og \u00fe\u00e1, \u00e1 venjulegum n\u00f3tum. \u00c9g geri hafragraut fyrir mig og fj\u00f6lskylduna, sem hefur st\u00e6kka\u00f0 um einn s\u00ed\u00f0an \u00fe\u00e1. Litli ma\u00f0urinn sem \u00fe\u00fa vissir aldrei af er or\u00f0inn st\u00e6rri og gerir h\u00e1v\u00e6rar kr\u00f6fur til m\u00edn. \u00c9g hita m\u00e9r te og reyni a\u00f0 hrista af m\u00e9r \u00f3\u00fe\u00e6gileg samskipti sem \u00e1ttu s\u00e9r sta\u00f0 \u00ed draumal\u00edfinu. \u00c9g \u00e1 m\u00e9r einskis ills von, eins og \u00fe\u00e1. \u00c9g vissi ekki a\u00f0 dagurinn fyrir tveimur \u00e1rum myndi bera \u00ed skauti s\u00e9r dau\u00f0a \u00feinn. \u00dea\u00f0 v\u00e6ri l\u00edka illa lifa\u00f0 a\u00f0 byrja hvern dag \u00ed \u00f3tta um hver g\u00e6ti d\u00e1i\u00f0 \u00feann daginn. Vi\u00f0 vitum \u00f6ll a\u00f0 t\u00edmi okkar og allra sem vi\u00f0 elskum er afmarka\u00f0ur. \u00dea\u00f0 er \u00f3\u00fearfi a\u00f0 gera of miki\u00f0 \u00far \u00fev\u00ed en l\u00edklega f\u00f6rum vi\u00f0 \u00e1 mis vi\u00f0 eitthva\u00f0 ef vi\u00f0 reynum ekki a\u00f0 taka \u00fea\u00f0 me\u00f0 \u00ed reikninginn \u00feegar vi\u00f0 veljum hvernig vi\u00f0 heilsumst og kve\u00f0jumst \u00ed hversdeginum. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Vilborg \u00d3lafsd\u00f3ttir Me\u00f0al \u00feess sem er horfi\u00f0 er r\u00f6ddin \u00fe\u00edn. Lofti\u00f0 sem barst upp barkann og l\u00e9k \u00e1 strengina \u00fe\u00edna.  \u00c9g veit alveg hvar \u00fe\u00fa liggur, hvernig \u00fe\u00fa sn\u00fdr\u00f0. \u00c9g veit \u00ed hva\u00f0a f\u00f6tum \u00fe\u00fa ert enn\u00fe\u00e1 og hvernig kragi er \u00e1 kj\u00f3lnum \u00fe\u00ednum. \u00c9g veit hvernig hendurnar \u00fe\u00ednar snertast. \u00c9g veit hvernig h\u00e1ri\u00f0 \u00e1 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-628","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stelkur.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/628","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stelkur.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stelkur.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stelkur.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stelkur.is\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=628"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/stelkur.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/628\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":647,"href":"https:\/\/stelkur.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/628\/revisions\/647"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stelkur.is\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=628"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}